denial times seven...

For awhile now I have been up to my neck in denial. Don't get me wrong, I am fully aware of the impending actions to be taken within the next six weeks, but at times, the reality of it is too much to bare.

I have been in Japan for a few weeks shy of a year. When I first approached this 'task', it was daunting. I would side-eye my year long schedule facing me in all its magnitude. All the colors, representing all the schools, bled together until I just saw my whole year ahead of me.

Mentally, I was in a push-pull between New York and Japan, something you all will read about further in my memoir. The man I eventually fell in love with was home. Any security I had was home, including common comforts like...I don't know...language. I was so scared, so lost, so confused. The Evita that showed up at Narita Airport on March 19th, 2009, will be a far cry from the same Evita who will be returning to New York in six weeks.

These schools, teachers, and children who were mere strangers at first, have become an extended family, many of which I will be keeping in touch with even while in the States.

I've never been good at goodbyes. I cry, a lot. My face leaks. Starting this Friday, when I have to saw a final goodbye to the first of seven schools, it may be no different. I have cursed my Company for many things, and now I do so for putting me in a position to have to say goodbye to thousands of children, hundreds of faculty members, and a core of new life-long friends....seven times.

Speaking with Megan recently, we have shared stories, worries, and emotion about facing this transition. We talk, at length, about saying goodbye to the kids and our favorite faculty members, conveniently avoiding the truth that we too have to say goodbye to one another as well.

Denial is wearing off and......

THIS SUCKS!