express yourself........

When I was in Middle School, I used to blast this song. In cassette form I, quite literally, destroyed this track in my walkman, purchased from the dollar store. I don't know if I realized I was an artist, nor writer then, but I knew I was different. I had to express myself. Muting what I believed, thought, or wanted would result in extreme anxiety and I'd lock myself in my bedroom to either read or write.

Contrary to my friends' upbringing, I did not have a tv or phone in my bedroom. Not so much that it wasn't allowed, we just weren't in a position to accomodate it. This is where my writing and speed reading was nurtured. To this day, my mother says that R. L. Stine's Goosbump books were the best investment she ever made into my childhood. I find this to be true. I remember being in elementary school and we had a Goosebumps crew. We used to devour and pass off those books like we should have been in a cypher saying "puff, puff, give." Books were my crack.

They were also a mark of maturity. You could guess what age someone was, by what phase in books they were reading. Goosebumps was elementary going into middle school. The immediate move up from Goosebumps was anything by Christopher Pike. "Prom Queen" being a favorite of mine. Once you were finishing high school you starting dipping into Dean Koontz, Stephen King, or my top choice James Patterson. That was the literary evolution, though most tapered off after high school, mine kept up. Somewhere in my house there is a black garbage bag filled with my old books.

Building a vocabulary was great but it still didn't help in defining why I had this need to express myself...I just knew I had it.
I've never grown out of that person. To the contrary, I've grown more into her. I've never been able to relate to the fear many people have of this.

So I ask, what are people afraid of when they fight the urge to express how they feel, cry, scream, or even talk through silence?

Sometimes you have to express yourself. You have to let it out.

Relationships are a supreme example of this. At some point, true feelings, motives, definitions, expectations, and compromises have to be expressed. Note expression does not equate to emotional suffocation. That's not my point. My point is...

Ultimately, feelings (love) must be expressed. It must be said, to eventually have the ability of being shown. The choice, declaration, holds the first power. Speak up...

Particularly with men, I find the strongest (and most well equipped emotionally) to be those that have an understanding of how they feel and the courage to let it be known. That, is sexy. For those too timid, I leave you with the possible reality of your own situation...where you aren't expressing, someone else very well may be.